I'm jealous of your bromance
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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