That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
