I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
