Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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