I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We have started to decorate penises.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
