I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she peed on how many people?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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