More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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