my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
