I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
