I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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