Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
