im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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