Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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