Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
