the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
