Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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