We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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