she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize