Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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