He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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