party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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