for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
