i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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