You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
