im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
