remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
