clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
