Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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