pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
