Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
