Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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