My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
