Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
