Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
