Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
