apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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