Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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