Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
