If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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