not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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