so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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