it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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