the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize