member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
