I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize