Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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