i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
