Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
zippers are such a cool invention
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
