How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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