Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
