I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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