I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
