i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
