she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
how does that bad decision feel?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
