You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
