I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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