Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
