rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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