Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
