he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
