you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
