tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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