he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
