There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize