Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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