using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Green mimosas i think yes
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
