break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
