Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Holy sore nipples Batman
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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