I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Will exercising make me less horny?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
