Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
