D3 body, D1 cock
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
