So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
