you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
