What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
