i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
