I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
