I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
COCAINE IS GR8
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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