I've blown a few things in my day
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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