Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
