is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
