i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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