Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sorry about my life...
my liver is dry heaving
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
