I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Randomize
