I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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