i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
