two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
