I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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