i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
