I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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