Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize